The value of forgiveness in recovery cannot be overstated. Letting go of resentment—toward others and ourselves—is essential for healing after addiction. It’s often a major hurdle, but overcoming it is key to building lasting, long-term recovery.
The Value of Forgiveness in Recovery
Many people who decide to recover struggle with the idea that they can be forgiven. This is because their emotions are so raw, and they start to process all of the pain that they may have caused while in active addiction.
Yet, this is untrue. Everyone deserves forgiveness. This may be especially true for those struggling with addiction, because in reality, they are struggling with a disease beyond their control. We would never hold an illness against someone with another chronic disease like cancer or heart disease, so why would it be okay to withhold forgiveness for someone with addiction?
It is also important that we learn to forgive ourselves in recovery. This can be difficult, but that does not mean it is impossible. The key is to be willing to put in the difficult and emotional work that it takes to gain self-forgiveness.
What Does Forgiveness in Recovery Look Like?
Forgiveness in recovery should look honest and stern, and then transform into unconditional. What this means is that an individual must earn forgiveness in recovery by showing their loved ones that they are willing to put in the work to be forgiven.
This happens when the actions of the individual line up with their loved one’s expectations. It is also important to understand that forgiveness does not happen overnight. There is a saying in 12-Step recovery that goes, “If an individual spends ten years walking into the woods, how can we expect them to walk back out in ten days?” What this means is that while the wounds of addiction cannot be healed overnight, they can be healed. The Twelve Steps can help facilitate this healing.
Utilizing the Twelve Steps for Forgiveness in Recovery
The Twelve Steps of recovery are “a design for living,” an open and honest life. These steps can also help an individual gain the forgiveness of others and find forgiveness for themselves.
However, an individual must first be willing to put in the work. This may mean working with a sponsor to do some difficult work. This work includes creating a list of people whom we may have harmed and becoming willing to make amends to them. We have to be ready to say “sorry,” even when we feel that we may not be at fault in the situation.
Making Amends in Recovery
It is important to remember that making amends in recovery is more than just saying “sorry.” Anyone can say sorry and then go about living the same selfish way that they have already been living. This is often the case when we say sorry while still in active addiction, and we wonder why it is difficult for a loved one to forgive us after we have hurt them so many times.
That is why we must make “living amends” to our loved ones when we are ready. This shows that we are sorry through our actions rather than merely our words. It is also important to be willing to move on if someone is unwilling to forgive us. As long as we do our part and ask for forgiveness, and live a life that shows that we have mended our ways, then we can feel comfortable in knowing that we have done all we can. People don’t owe us forgiveness, and we must be willing to accept that.
In recovery, it is often said that “resentment is the number one offender.” This means that being resentful can lead to a relapse quicker than anything else. The key is to live a life that shows others that recovery works. This may not only lead to forgiveness, but it may also help other people get sober. Recovery is about attraction rather than promotion. When those struggling see that recovery is possible, it just might give them the hope needed to get help themselves.
The Importance of Long-Term Success at The Phoenix Recovery Center
Here at The Phoenix Recovery Center, we understand the importance of forgiveness. That is why we include work with family and close friends in all of our recovery plans. This ensures a well-rounded recovery for everyone involved. We also believe in long-term success over short-term “fixes,” which is why we only offer individualized and comprehensive recovery plans, with a focus on the future.
If you are ready to move forward, forgive and be forgiven, then the time for recovery is now. You can do this! We can help.
Practicing forgiveness toward oneself and others can play a powerful role in emotional healing and sustained sobriety. However, this is often easier said than done. It takes a lot of work to regain the trust of loved ones and just as much work to forgive a loved one who treated us poorly while in active addiction. If you feel like you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, mental illness, or both, we can help get you on the positive path toward long-term recovery right away. You don’t have to go through this process alone. To begin your healing journey complete this short form or call The Phoenix Recovery Center at (801) 438-3185.
