The reality is that we all want what is best for our loved ones. This is even the foundation of why we may “enable” those we love – it is out of love. Yet, that does not make it any less toxic or dangerous (for all parties involved). It is important to understand the difference between enabling vs supporting so that we can better help those we love get the help they deserve and desire.
Enabling vs Supporting In Addiction
When it comes to helping those we love with alcohol use disorder (AUD) and/or substance use disorder (SUD), two forms are often taken. These forms include enabling and supporting, and it can be difficult to know which one is being employed at any given time.
Enabling vs supporting is also something that cannot always be determined without outside observations. That is why connecting with addiction specialists can be so critical when it comes to getting the entire family help (and close friends). Yes, it is important to get the entire family help because addiction is a “family disease.”
A family disease simply means that everyone is affected by addiction, not just the individual who is struggling. According to the peer-reviewed journal, Social Work in Public Health, “The family remains the primary source of attachment, nurturing, and socialization for humans in our current society. Therefore, the impact of substance use disorders (SUDs) on the family and individual family members merits attention. Each family and each family member is uniquely affected by the individual using substances, including but not limited to having unmet developmental needs, impaired attachment, economic hardship, legal problems, emotional distress, and sometimes violence being perpetrated against him or her.” This “disease” is often exacerbated by enabling.
Better Understanding Enabling
Enabling is ultimately supporting a loved one’s addiction rather than the loved one themself. This is often done out of fear of what consequences a loved one will face if they are left to their own devices. These feared consequences often have to do with getting into legal troubles or getting hurt trying to buy illicit substances in a dangerous situation.
This often causes family and close friends to supply their loved ones with the money to buy substances or alcohol or substances directly. It may also include allowing a loved one to stay in the home while still using, paying their bills, or covering for them if they are facing consequences at work or in school. Now, it should also be noted that, in some cases, pulling back completely from an enabling situation can be harmful.
According to the peer-reviewed journal, Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly, “[P]eople who already have recovery capital may either recover on their own or with formal help, those who have lost, or who never really had, adequate recovery capital will first have to acquire some amount of internal and external resources before being able to take up the challenge of recovery in a fully effective and sustained way. At its extreme, ‘losing everything’ may leave the person not only without a foundation upon which to base his or her recovery, but also with nothing further left to lose.” This is why it is important to remain supportive when a loved one needs help.
Transforming Enabling Behaviors Into Supportive Behaviors
Now, a critical key to being supportive rather than enabling is to set healthy boundaries. These boundaries can offer options to a loved one who is struggling, while still ensuring that they are aware of the offering of love and support.
Some supportive boundaries may include not giving any money that may go toward buying alcohol or substances, not allowing a loved one in the home if they have been drinking or using, and not allowing an individual around their children if they are under the influence. The idea is that these supportive boundaries will show an individual that it is time to get help.
Of course, if these boundaries are set, it is important to stick to them. This can be the difficult part, but it is important to remember that it is for the greater good. Addiction is a life-or-death disease, and setting healthy boundaries can save a life.
A Focus on Long-Term Success at The Phoenix Recovery Center
Here at The Phoenix Recovery Center, we believe in long-term success over short-term “fixes.” This is why we support family recovery and offer help in determining the difference between enabling and supporting. We also make sure that all of our recovery plans are individualized and comprehensive, with a focus on the future.
If you are ready to move on from active addiction, then the time for recovery is now. You can do this! We can help you on the road to gaining a life beyond your wildest dreams – A life worth living for you and your loved ones.
There is a big difference between enabling harmful behaviors and providing genuine support. The good news is that there is helpful guidance available on how to help loved ones reasonably and responsibly. Many effective modalities can help the entire family heal, because addiction is a “family disease.” If you feel like you or a loved one is struggling with issues of addiction, mental illness, or both, we can help get you on the right road to recovery right away. You don’t have to go through this process alone. To begin your healing journey complete this short form or call The Phoenix Recovery Center at (801) 438-3185.
